THE SKILLA DIARIES - A Mini Biography

Its Monday again whoop whoop! and i'm here downloading the latest jazz app in town...u know the jazz that can make u walk through walls, had my colleague at work to take a picture (see pic below). before you read the post, take your time and go through the disclaimer notice below.

 

Disclaimer Notice

The information contained herein is for the sole purpose of information, education and entertainment.This post was written out of boredom for my use and may contain information that is confidential, privileged or unsuitable for overly sensitive persons with low self-esteem, no sense of humour or irrational religious beliefs or English lecturers seeking grammatical blunders.

If you are not the intended recipient, any dissemination, distribution or copying of this post is not authorized (either explicitly or implicitly) and constitutes an irritating social faux pas. Unless the word absquatulation has been used in its correct context somewhere other than in this warning, it does not have any legal or grammatical use and may be ignored. No animals (maybe a few) were harmed in the transmission of this post, although Onyeka Oradiwe's Landlord's dog  is living on borrowed time, let me tell you. Those of you with an overwhelming fear of the unknown will be gratified to learn that there is no hidden message revealed by reading this warning backwards, so just ignore that Alert Notice from Microsoft: However, by pouring a complete circle of salt around yourself and your computer you can ensure that no harm befalls you and your pets. If you have come across this post in error, please add some nutmeg and egg whites and place it in a warm oven for 40 minutes. Whisk briefly and let it stand for 2 hours before icing and if that is too tedious, take a cold shower and hug the next available transformer, better still french kiss a live wire or tie your bed sheet around your neck a la cape and jump from the top of the Eiffel Tower seeing that you're a super hero seeking gbagauns in my post.

This message represents the official view of the voices in my head (dem plenty), i won't be held liable for any actions taken after reading. Thank you.


I bet this disclaimer will be longer than the post ......

This disclaimer may not be copied or reproduced in any form

without the expressed written consent of whoever I stole it from.

My Mini-Biography
 
Name: Tola aka Skillful Skillashi! aka Actor No dey Die aka Skilobo aka Abija aka etc...yes etc sef na alias!

Zodiac sign: Taurus.....I'm a BullY

Hobbies: Collecting Tiger/Shark teeth, Catching Bullets with Bare Hands, and stopping locomotive trains with my farts.

My Records: Fought with an Elephant and Hippopotamus  broke the elephant's neck, shoved it up the hippo's ass  after beating the shit out of a lion and bear for not supporting me.

Greatest Achievement: Skated on Lava.

Silly things Done: Swimming in a tsunami and playing tag with a cobra.

Most Embarassing Moment: Couldnt kill 100 Bears with a single punch(only 99 died). Last one was in a coma..wonder why the fool didn't die *kmt*

Proudest Moment: When a cobra Died after biting Me.B-)

Something about Me: i dont really like to show off, I'm too humble for that.....if I attempt show off ehn! You wouldn't believe anything I say, like how Jack Bauer, Jason Bourne, James Bond, Captain Afrika, Terror Muda and Chuck Norris asked me for help back in dem days *memories*  

Randoms
So someone asked me what I do when I run outta shoes, easy...I look for the closest reptile, preferably a crocodile or python, skin it alive and voila I've got new shoes.

Another person asked what would I do if horny...that wasn't difficult....strap bombs all over my body, blow up myself in a crowded area....voila 99virgins in heaven waiting for me *shiken*..... P.S. This is not suicide bombing as I have a return ticket from heaven with multiple entry visa sef.


Someone also asked how i do my shopping....like jeez! is that a question? What do you have Yahoo Messenger for?

For those doubting these facts i put up, see my picture....i was just 8yrs here by the way, leading a riot in protest of the rise in cost of agege bread and ew agoyin....i roll bare chested mehn! even the cops were scared to step up to me. They had to call in the Justice League to beg me....i didn't budge till i whooped super man and bat man before shoving captain america's shield up his ass.....memories* We're cool now though and i'm still considering joining the Justice League

If u got more questions about my humble self, feel free to post a comment and oh yes I'm very normal
Eez your boy Skillful Skillashi....aka...you know the rest....«---that's an alias too

Duzeez ....

P.S.
Read the disclaimer again o ye haters!

SKILLA DIARIES

I am back in Abuja and my new year's resolution i never made any was to reduce my nocturnal outings as well as cut down on my extra-curricular activities. This was made easy as i was accompanied by the Breeze's, Owu and his elder brother Legbe....i'm sure most of y'all are familiar with Owu though. How did i get to know the Breeze's? That's easy now, i partied a lot over the hols and money went down, paint-balling, bowling, go-karting etc. meeting owu was bound to happen.........make i free this Owu story before i deviate from the purpose of this post which i bloody have no idea what it is. Owu and Legbe are gonna be outta my life by month end, this i am sure of.

The past week wasn't bad as i was able to close a project i started sometime last year *adjusts jigi and pops collar like the bad ass project manager that i am*.....Don't wanna talk about work o jare....maybe i'll do that in my alternate blog. Anyways my usual routine from Thursdays changed as i didn't go to Cassalinda for karaoke nor BYOB at Play  even though i got several PINGS!!!, calls and text messages which i tactically ignored #NoMourinho.....Friday that i attempted to even go out sef, same story....fell asleep b4 11:00pm, talk about old age...off which i don dey old o! My birthday is in May, 8days before the world comes to an end *yimu* i hope i get the strength to party....and yet i deviate again from what i'm posting....*sigh*. Bumped into an old friend sha...Haji something.....woooo that na story for later.

Back to my post....so i was chilling jejely at home, playing Call of Duty "Black Ops" omo the game is mad gaan o...and i wan begin dey deviate *smh*....that's how hunger came knocking and we (Me DJ n Adey) decided to go look for food at 9:30PM...found food and decided to go to Wineshop to chill for a bit. Steve, Mo n Ola later joined us over a bottle of Absolut....the night was quite windy and chilly if i may add, reminded me of that one time in Brooklyn *good times*...anyways, was sitting down, chatting with friends when i spotted CFC...he later joined us with Ms. T.....finished the absolut and was home bound when someone suggested play....sha went home to change, got to play and the place was kinda dry, MsKunz n Bev later joined us......got a bottle of absolut vodka, our 2nd of the night....so much for reducing alcohol intake this year ....saw Mady, omo Mady is hot o! she is one of the few babes that makes me wish i was a lil bit taller *sigh* .......it was mad fun at play......the night ended with the screen of my phone broke "don't ask me how".....got home and played call of duty in my inebriated state....omo dem too kill me as i no play with clear eye......


Sunday was spent watching movies as i no get functional BB, all my sunday sunday ashewo pinging were put on hold, watched the united game...thank God it ended 0-0 if not I no go hear word from awon enemies, got on twitter via tweetdeck but the thing no fit be like ubertwitter.......the end o jare

Have a great week

P.S
Still don't proof read shit so u can like to use ponmo as bracelet if u spot any gbagaun...Thanz a bunsh!

New Zodiac Dates

Happy New year peeps, this is my 1st post....well 2nd post of the year as i have an alternate blog skilobo.wordpress.com.
 
The powers that be have decided to add a new zodiac sign to the constellations.....well i'm still a Taurean and e remain small i for turn Ram aka Aries *sigh*
 
The New Dates:

Story continues below

Capricorn: Jan. 20 - Feb. 16
Aquarius: Feb. 16 - March 11
Pisces: March 11- April 18
Aries: April 18 - May 13
Taurus: May 13 - June 21
Gemini: June 21 - July 20
Cancer: July 20 - Aug. 10
Leo: Aug. 10 - Sept. 16
Virgo: Sept. 16 - Oct. 30
Libra: Oct. 30 - Nov. 23
Scorpio: Nov. 23 - Nov. 29
Ophiuchus: Nov. 29 - Dec. 17
Sagittarius: Dec. 17 - Jan. 20

Saw an article online that broke down the typical Taurus that i am and i can say it was totally on point. Have a great read below.

Taurus Strength Keywords:

- Dependable
- Persistent
- Loyal
- Patient
- Generous

Taurus Weakness Keywords:

- Stubborn
- Laziness
- Possessive
- Materialistic
- Self-indulging

Taurus and Independence:

Taurus is not the one who ventures out into the unknown and leads the way, Taurus is the one that will follow the leader and strengthen and build upon the discovered, in other words they are the one that will "dot the I's and cross the T's". This perseverance is given to them by their stubborn streak. Taurus stubborn streak is what gives their independence. They like to do things their way. They are perfectly fine on being alone, this way things get done they way they want them to be done. Taurus is not a follower, but they are not the brave one either. Taurus is perfectly independent. With their perseverance, they get things done and can do quite well for themselves.

Taurus and Friendship: 

A Taurus is an excellent friend. Taurus has few close friends as opposed to many acquaintances. The few people they hold dear to them are guarded and protected. Their friends are treated like family and they are fiercely loyal and dependable. Taurus loves to be the host or hostess. Although not a total social butterfly, they can be shy around strangers, the people who Taurus let into their lives are lavishly catered to when Taurus decides to throw a party, they decorate and present everything lavishly. Taurus will always pamper themselves and their close group of friends.

Taurus and Business:

Taurus is a strong business person. Taurus is the one who has immense perseverance, even when others have given up, the Taurus rages on. They have a knack for finance and their financial advice is prized. They know where money is to be made and have the ability to manipulate and set the path for their own success. Taurus are not frivolous spenders but they like to live lavishly and surround themselves with nice possessions and foods, which all adds up resulting in large spending habits. They will not spend all their money and cause their business to fail because if they do, their security and stability will be gone and this will cause them great stress.

Taurus Temperament:

Taurus are deeply sensitive, the slightest comment or negative remark will be taken personally and they can easily get offended or hurt. Their stubborn streak results in laziness. They can be very lazy when someone gives them orders or wants them to do something they do not want to do. They are not lazy when it comes to themselves,

Taurus Deep Inside:

Taurus are not fond of change. In fact, is change is imminent, they get very nervous and worried. They do not like anything new because anything new is unknown and Taurus fears the unknown. Taurus needs order in their lives and when they do not have order, they get very anxious. Taurus will cut themselves off from the unfamiliar in order to avoid the feelings of insecurity that arise when new experiences and situations are present. Taurus do not express their feelings openly and their inner self is contained and secretive. Many people do not know how sensitive Taurus really is, they hide it well. As a result, they are often emotionally hurt when the wrong things are said, they take things too personally sometimes. Taurus avoids talking about their emotions and many people never really know how they feel.

Taurus in a Nutshell:

Taurus is the one who has immense perseverance, even when others have given up, the Taurus rages on. Solid and persistent, just like the bull, which is Taurus' well suited symbol. Taurus's have a well known reputation for being stubborn, which is not necessarily a bad thing. The stubborn streak can cause Taurus to butt heads and conflict with other strong character types. Taurus are not fond of change. They like the familiar and routine comfort of life. Taurus is easy going and not one to pick a fight but should some poor souls attempt to provoke Taurus, the wrath will be known, for they have a temper underneath the calm surface. Taurus are very responsive to their surroundings. They like decorations, color, anything that appeals to all the senses. Taurus like possessions and the Taurus home is nicely decorated with lots of things. Taurus are down to earth, they do not like gaudy, flashy or over the top things. They prefer comfortable and creative settings and objects. Taurus likes security, in every aspect of their lives from home, to love, to career. Taurus can be secretive, opinionated and stingy. Taurus tend to be self-indulgent and lazy, Taurus are master procrastinators of the astrology zodiac! They do however have a strong, persistent drive that comes to life when they chose, and no one would ever know that they are lazy. The secret to this is that their laziness is pushed aside when it comes to themselves.

Taurus Love, Sex and Relationships

What it's like to date a Taurus Woman:

Taurus women are masters in the art of seduction. She will get what she wants but her patience is incredible, she will wait for what she wants She needs stability and security and will not tolerate a man who is not straight with her and leads her along with uncertainty in the future. She is the old-fashioned type, the type of woman who is associated with the drive-in soda shop days of the 60's. She is down to earth, protective, supportive, loving, devoted and loyal. She is openly affectionate in a relationship. Taurus women is perfect for the man who likes to be nurtured and pampered, providing you are loyal and devoted. She has a lot to give but she requires a lot in return. Remember, the Taurus woman is very sensitive although she might not seem so on the exterior. Court her and constantly try to impress her and you will win her heart and she will be yours. Cross a Taurus woman, and her temper will flare, she will become extremely stubborn. If you ever break her trust, it will be nearly impossible to gain it back again.

What it's like to date a Taurus Man:

The Taurus man is very sensible, he is not the man to sweep you off your feet. He is practical and down to earth. He wants a high quality woman, not a woman for one night. He will survey cautiously before he makes his approach. He is very patient when it comes to a relationship. He will survey the situation and make sure the woman has something to offer him, before he offers himself. Taurus man is a romantic man, he will put his woman on a pedestal, protect her and cherish her. Once he has chosen his woman, he will be very generous, loyal and faithful. He is not a boring man, but he is not for the woman who craves adventure and excitement. Taurus man is for the woman who craves stability and comfort, he is an incredible provider and is a very fine choice as a partner for the right woman. He is in it for the long haul so commitment is no problem for this man.

How To Attract Taurus:

Do not attempt to rush into a relationship with Taurus. They are very patient and expect you to be so too. Make them laugh, if they are amused and entertained by you, they will enjoy being with you. The way to a Taurus' heart is through their stomachs. Cook for them or offer to take them to a fine upscale restaurant. Taurus enjoy talking about finance, business, money and material possessions.

Taurus Erogenous Zone:

The throat and neck are the hot spots for any Taurus. Lightly rub the neck, kiss it gently, lick it lightly, even a soft nipple will make them melt like butter! Massage the back of the neck while you are relaxing, this relax them and set the mood for passion!

Sex With Taurus:

They are passionate lovers. They have lots of physical stamina and this makes up for the lack of variety in the sex life.