THE SKILLA DIARIES XII

So one of my followers on twitter asked when the next post of this diary's gonna be posted, so here I am blogging from my BB no be say dem dey pay me sef *kmt*.....ain't that about a bitch!

Being without a laptop is quite close to depression as it reduces ones productivity as well as my pranks and silly ways online. To the fucktards who robbed my car; your reward is in heaven......back to my diary o jare

Thursday
One of the days of the week I look forward to cos that's when my weekend starts, no thanks to BYOB. Funny thing is I never take a bottle cos of their time cap for taking bottles in. Always end up buying at the bar. Well I didn't go this thursday even when I made arrangements to meet a buncha people.

The evening wasn't boring as I had to visit one of my "Partners in Crime" (PIC) as she just moved into her self contain mini-studio apartment located in Zone7. Got to PIC's and met her cute cousin she can gerrit *evil grin* as well as her colleague from work who I was tryna "do" for doing sake *no strings attached*. PIC sure knows how to take care of herself and as a bad guy, I familiarized myself with her fridge. Grabbed the cranberry juice and vodka and voila, my evening started and almost ended on the bed with her colleague yes I'm an ashy like that
Don't remember much cos I had too much to drink but I sure got home safely and slept of instead of going for BYOB

Friday
Got off work early and dragged Ola, a colleague of mine from work and headed to Ceddi to see CFC and Duli for a lil chat. Finished with them boys and headed to Park n Shop to get a replacement for PIC's vodka and cranberry I finished the night before. Started drinking the vodka as soon as we got there no time for dulling while PIC and her cuz prepared for a friend's sister's grad party. Waited for Giga to come so we could all leave together.

Got to the party semi-high  feeling outta place more like an agbaya but good thing the graduand's elder sis is a friend. Had a few more drinks and took obtained red bull for the vodka left in my fridge at home. The party was just there, met a few old friends tho....blablabla...shasha....we went back to PIC's cos dem ladies wanted to change you go think say na dem baiday. After delaying my self and Ola for 3good hours they decided to come out and we went to amber lounge to chill small. PIC's oga was tryna pimp her out to a customer ni sha....me just throway face wetin consign agbero with overload.

LOLz and Le' Cripple (Life Camp Flatmates) called saying they wanted to hang out, told em to meet me at Amber, Ola had to leave so i was stuck with 3women while i waited for the flat mates. We checked out Platinum Lounge on the 6th foor of SEC (Nice Environment, Roomy club...might go for PULSE on Friday the 29th). PIC and are crew were leaving when the flatmates got in.....Ms. K called later to find out if i was out.....sha sha we went to pick her and ended up at Play.....had fun....blablabla...pressed yansh....blablabla...etc.

Saturday-Sunday
Was spent playing FIFA '11, then a movie date with Ms. Sal and that was it.................frigging hate blogging from my phone....oya make una contribute make i buy new lappy and internet connection.


P.S
as usual i don't proof-read my post....it's my blog and i can gbagaun if i want to :D

SKILLA DIARIES XI

The weekend came with mixed feelings, had mad fun on thursday and friday but my laptop as well a 2 of DJ's was stolen along with my N-Gage, International pali and a Hard drive.....blogging via my phone sucks donkey balls, I have to squint even with my jigi.

Thursday

Ibux came into town and was lodged at the sheraton.....lucky bastard got a suite as all the small rooms were occupied due to the ICAN conference. Myself, DOA and DJ paid him a visit...gisted till late and came to the conclusion of having a mini-drink up. We headed to Area2 to get Vodka, JD and chasers to start the night. Invited a few friends, had a few drinks and headed to BYOB afterwards with Ms.Kunz and Bookie. Left play around 3AM as I had a lot of work waiting for me on my desk the following day.

Friday

Most of the routes in the FCT was blocked for 2 reasons; i; MEND issued a bomb threat and ii; Madam Patience detonated series of C-4 bombs at her pet project. The traffic in the FCT was out of this world. Finally saw ibeji and her twin today and was I relieved when she told me she was just messing with me.
Hit Area2 shopping complex to get more booze and chasers...got back and Ms. Jigi and her friends were already there feelingall comfortable and things. Funny thing is boys didn't look at her side as her friends were way hotter than her....no be say dem sef hot. A few more guests popped in and myself, Ms. Kunz and Duli created a VIP lounge on the balcony. Trust naija people, everyone wanted to get in *smh*.

The mini-gig ended about mid-night and we proceeded to play....the night was LEGENDARY is all I can say for now cos my laptop was already stolen and all I could do was drink my worries away as well as party like a rockstar but I didn't gbensh like a pornstar even with the array of potential 1night stands.

Saturday

This day was spent brooding over the theft of my lappy and other properties in the bag. Played FIFA '10 most of the day and slept as if a tse-tse fly bit me. Went to sheraton to report the theft only for them to show me a BIG sign saying: CARS ARE PARKED AT OWNERS RISK. I accepted my fate and carried my big head home to go and crash.

Later visited my 2nd home at LC where boys turned the whole theft into a joke. Cheered me up a bit, but what is lost is lost o jare. Snag is I have to buy a new lappy I didn't budget for *kmft*.

Sunday

Chilled at LC for a bit, watched the Blackpool vs Manchester City game after which we watched the Big Brother Africa Finale. We even placed bets on who would win BBA. When Uti won....see men singing National anthem as if Nigeria was playing a football game, u go fear celebration.

Left LC for ketchup to meet up with DJ and his 2hot cousins, shame I couldn't hit on them because of the "bro-code" which states "thou shall not hit on ur homeboy's sister/cousin/family unless you're given the go ahead". If not! The ashawo in me for don take affirmative action.

I miss my lappy o! *BB wailing smiley*

P.S.
I no fit ever proof-read this post cos it was typed from my phone. Gbagaun all u like....na una sabi.

Have a great week

Baby Daddy? Naaaaa!!!!!!.....THE SKILLA DIARIES X

Saturday
 
The weekend was bloody uneventful to a degree as i stayed indoors most of the time, the only time i went out was on saturday, to visit my siblings in school (visiting day) and pickup Mr. HO from the airport. The journey back from the airport had k-leg as car's transmission decided to act up somewhere in Lugbe, the Yoruba boy in me don put hand for head saying WTF! more like MOGBE! but thanks to the company of HO and Duli, who were able to calm me down while we pushed the car off the road. The car gave itself brain and decided to enter gear after a silent prayer to Baba God.

Spent most of the time watching movies *movie weekend* (Get him to the Greek, Nightmare on Elm Street, Jonah Hex and Robin Hood) and whooping DJ's ass on FIFA 2010 I'm bad ass like that *insert BB cool smiley*. After a long day of lazing about, decided to go look for food around 10pm.....hailed a cab as didn't wanna risk another transmission episode with the car. 1st stop Jeveniks, they were closed, next was SFC, same story, 3rd stop was Wakky's bastards where closing as we got there meanwhile my stomach was grumbling. Finally decided to hit Drumsticks, lucky for us they were opened.

SAN called us to hook up with him @ Cafe24, got there but i wasn't feeling the whole setting even with the bevy of chicks scattered around. Was about to head home when Timmy called to say he was at Wine Shop....make e no be like disrespect we headed there met Q, Tilly and other peeps i don't know and left immediately after drinking a mixture of berry blast and something in a bottle that tasted like cough syrup. I suspect whoever got that bottle was definitely Hausa malo people love cough syrup. Called Ms. Coco when i got home make e no be like say i no dey persistent and slept off almost immediately.

Sunday

Didn't wake up till about 10:00AM which automatically ruled out church from my itinerary. Kept drifting in and out of sleep while DJ and Duli continued movie weekend. DJ had a visitor, Ms. Jigi as she's got 4eyes just like me. Ms. Jigi flirts with me whenever she has the chance, a favor which i always return. One of these days i just might offer her kondo lollipop and from what i've heard, she wants to do me i wonder why. Myself and Duli left the house briefly to look for food when i got a call from Ibeji.

Ibeji happens to be a pet project (i was supposed to split her from her twin so that my guy could have undivided attention) I won't say i'm proud of this but i did a good job it was like hot knife through butter. She caught feelings along the way....bla bla bla yadi yadi yadi....sha sha sha....we ended up in something a relationship. It ended as soon as it started cos there was no real feelings involved.

The last time i got a call from her, about 4months ago, she asked if i had a raincoat on the last time we were in the rain together which i replied YES cos i don't like getting wet. This is 9months after and she called telling me she has serious gist for me. This babe better not have funny news cos i remember her ranting on how bad she wants a baby......me i'm not capable of raising a mini-skilla at the moment.....it better be gist that they gave her VISA to Sudan where she can adopt a child and raise as her own.

I'll probably see her later during the week sha, make i hear the gist she wan give me..........got a truckload of paper work on my desk.




P.S.
I can say i attended Basketmouth's "Lord of the Ribs" as one of my followers kept sending me voicenotes of the show...Thank God for technology

You know the drill...gbagaun at ur peril

Bye peoples

Friday Night Blues....THE SKILLA DIARIES IX

This piece is totally fictional, well some parts true and if u can’t deal with it GTFOH

Okay so I’m the Parole Officer according to some of my friends, I know how to get a party started and also know how to ginger people to groove utunu call me the ginger-bread man UTUNU!. But lately that part of me whittled and I doubt if I can give a reason *\e fit be work sha.

I am not known for turning down invites to groove but lately I have mastered the art. Today for example, a colleague had a baby and was having a naming ceremony free lunch, was 10mins from the venue when I decided to turn back and head home instead cos I was feeling drowsy from the shots of whiskey I had after work. Got home and was supposed to change and head for Master-Master’s [@GriffinStreaks Bro] girlfriend’s birthday party but as I laid my head on the bed, I met myself in dreamland. na so I miss awoof evening food*[life of a bachelor].

Woke up around 8:30PM for no reason swear down na hunger and was cussing cos I didn’t make the birthday party........... Ms. Coco was supposed to come over to Abuja for the weekend but we had to cancel make e no be like say man dey rush. Got a bag of mini Kit-Kats for her cos I know she loves them but DJ and Dubz had other plans hunger na binsh!. Na so dem kidnap kit-kat o begin dey lem am, they kuku promised to replace it and I joined in the jedi-jedi fest

Exhibit A

The kit-kat didn’t subdue the hunger so we decided to head out to look for food. Had a quick stop at Princess Suites, Zone7 to see one bros like that who didn’t release us till we at least had 3bottles of beer, we did and u can see the images below. I had 5 by the way

Fallen Soldiers

Finally headed to Go-Pro to eat poundy with efo riro to quality when Baz called to say he’s in town…..Baz’s cousin is getting married the following day and I was supposed to help with the planning of the Bach Eve *women/strippers and a good venue* dem no dey pay me na which I totally didn’t do. After eating our poundy with many many meat we decided to head home when Baz called again to say he was at Cubana The club with the 5oyear old DJ, we decided to stop over cos it was right behind the house…..bobo begin dey ask me for girls ni sha! I resemble minister of women affairs? I just give my guy tales by moonlight jaaa.

SAN wanted to drag me to SOHO and PLAY but I declined cos it’s been a while since I rogered those bouncers and I wasn’t willing to drop any of my tashere money as iRep Team BANS*Boys Are Not Smiling*. Rory was out too, with like 10babes but motivation no dey at all......

It’s the 3rd consecutive Friday I’ve visited club B.E.D. and I have no regrets, the DJ’s always on point and the people there have been fantastic. The word “inhibition” doesn’t exist in the club and the watch word for ladies is “no long thing”.....................will give u gist of club B.E.D in a later post......duty calls

P.S.
I still don't proof read this shit

Busted.....THE SKILLA DIARIES VIII

Busted

Always knew this day will come, the day one of my parents will find out about my smoking habit. Well, my Mum just found a lighter in my suit and another in my pocket while trying to arrange my room who send her message!. There's no explanation i can give at all and i hate lying.  I've always been a good child, bar my nonchalant attitude to some things.....i mean i had good grades in primary and secondary school and did my best more like chipped and dubbed in Uni. I've done a few bad things which i got scolded for, but this will definitely crush her. 

Good thing i'm not in Lagos at the moment and God bless my sister for giving me a "heads up" before momsy sprung the question on me and i start stammering. Omo i for hear am that kind e-honda 100 handslap. I feel so bad right now cos she'll be disappointed in me. I should have just casted myself long ago liver no gree me. Na to face tongue lashing remain.

Specimen A

Been looking for excuses to give her, i mean she didn't catch me smoking, na ordinary lighter she find na!......believe me there are a million and one excuses i could drop + my followers on twitter came up with a whole bunch, but i guess i might just go with the truth surface truth alone without details. After all she no fit kill me.

Origin

I believe the first time i lit a cigarette was probably 10years ago, fresh outta secondary school, rolling with awon boys peer pressure is a binsh!. It wasn't serious then, was just something i did when i hung out with those fellas. Smoked occasionally in Uni, i can even count the number of times i did, bar my final year with the pressure from exams and final year project. 

Specimen B

Enter NYSC Camp, Kubwa, Abuja.....na then the real smoking start man can't cancel udeme without B&H. I turned into a chimney but i quit for a bit i don quit like 147 times yet i come back when i'm under pressure at work. To make matters worse, everyone in my department(IT) smokes and it was easy as my office was located at the back far away from HR. My colleagues and I shared ideas over several sticks of B&H as well as the VP Engineering whenever he comes for reports and delivery meetings. As if that's not bad enough, my new boss smokes in his office and he's ever willing to share with his employee.

It was easy to keep my smoking habits from the parents as i was far away in Abuja and also devised a way of coding it whenever i'm in Lagos, a bottle of CK does the trick.
I Know a lot of people mostly family don't know i light up Nigeria with fumes of nicotine that has no effect on our ozone layer and now you know cos you're reading this blog. I'm sorry if i disappointed u but hey IT'S MY LIFE *don't judge me*

Old habits die hard but this one has to die a quick death as i hope to quit within this week cos it's hurting everyone around me especially myself *health wise*. Time to find a new addiction maybe fornication and move on with my life.

Thanks for all the DMs, PINGS! and text messages advising me to quit and live a healthy life, i appreciate y'all and i'll try my best not to light a cig again beans. I pray i don't die of lung cancer and  pray i live long to see my grand kids.



Disclaimer
This post was put up in a rush and i repeat, i don't proof read shit, gbagaun all u can :p.

Advert
THE FEDERAL MINISTRY OF HEALTH WARNS THAT SMOKERS ARE LIABLE TO DIE YOUNG *Thank God my name ain't Smokers*

Have a great day and lay off the sticks.

Weekend in Las Gidi.....THE SKILLA DIARIES VII

Monday is here again and it's my break time, what to do? What to do? i know, i'll put up a post on my blog, not as if people read it.

Here's a recap/summary of my weekend in Lagos

Thursday

Work was breathing down my neck like a nagging housewife as I had deadlines and milestones to achieve on a particular project. *e no easy to be manager o* I was able to achieve 75% of it sha. Got stuck in traffic for over an hour of which the sun wasn’t smiling at all, this got me sweating like a sallah ram *we all know rams don’t sweat* as the AC in the car was not working. Cause of traffic? Everyone and their daddies where traveling out of Abuja for independence weekend. Eventually got back to the and couldn’t concentrate, even my Boss noticed and gave me rest of the day off.

Packed up my stuff and headed to the airport early cos I envisaged mad traffic from my previous experience earlier in the day but the road was free as a nymphos vagina 3rd mainland bridge on a Sunday morning. My flight wasn't till 8:10 so i whipped out my laptop and surprisingly there was free internet service at the airport, skyped for a bit and did other stuff online i download music tire. 

GTB Yellow came thru but she was on another airline but we chilled at the lobby and had a few drinks smirnoff ice and udeme , talked about stuff and made fun comments about other passengers. Her flight was delayed by 2 hours, mine was delayed by 3 like WTF!!!!!. had a couple of udeme all by myself till we boarded @ 11:30PM i for stay jeje for Abuja. Slept all thru the flight and Ganja and Buga came to pick me up. Instead make i jejely go crash, na from airport to club o for a friend's "Bach Eve". CONGRATULATIONS OWO!. *He got married on Saturday* Men don dey old! Had a great time at the B.E even though i was tired.

We headed to Buga's and i decided to crash on the bed with three ladies ashawo that i am without ulterior motives. Enjoyed my sleep sha even though some peeps thought i was up to no good.

Friday

Had a business meeting which went well and got good news from my mentor who just got appointed as the MD of a Telecoms firm. Had a date with Ms. Coco, we did lunch and movies. She sure knows how to hold a conversation plus she's pretty and has big bumbum a nice shape too. Who knows, she might just be the one. Its too early to call as i've decided to take things slow not as if we're dating sef

Was supposed to go out with a bunch of friends at night but i crashed immediately i got home 9:30 to be precise only for me to wake up to several PINGS! from all my peeps who were out. As if that one no do, they had to taunt me with pictures on BBM.

Saturday

So many activities lined up today but i was able to achieve a handful. Went to see a match between MTN and Etisalat as my friends play for team Etisalat total bore fest, Match ended 0-0. Owo's wedding was today, picked up Buga and decided to pick Ms. Coco as she was available and willing to tag along 2nd date on the cheap toh bad. Wedding was fun as it gave me the opportunity of meeting old class mates as well as eating free food. 

Left the wedding, changed in the car and hit the streets, next stop Jade's BBQ, omo the whole of twitter Lagos was there o, no space to park sef *Thank God for my shanko Piccanto, i was able to perch in one tiny koro*. Said my hellos to the celebrant damn she's tall as well as buncha old friends. Next stop was debonaires, had pizza with friends and Ms. Coco.......good thing is they get along well is this a sign?. 

Dropped her off at home and same thing that happened the previous night repeated itself even when i planned to go out with awon boys again. 

Sunday

Church day, long time coming as i never attended church since i returned to Abuja. The sermon was on point. Saw the old man briefly before the man starts thinking i don't send him not as if i really do. Packed my baggage for my return to my very own sin city when i got the text that my flight has been canceled. Had to go to the airport to change my flight and used that opportunity to see Ms. Coco again u go fear close marking. Hung out with her for a bit, had kiss mix and crashed after that. 

Watched Didier Drogba rape Arsenal, scoring his 13th goal in as many matches, hanged out with the boys, saw 2 of my followers later on and hit the sheets, early flight on Monday.

Had a great time in Gidi even though i didn't have enough time to hang out with friends Blame it on Ms. Coco

P.S.

I still won't proof read ma shit, gbagaun it, na una sabi. 

Try and leave a comment....most of u just come here to do amebo